the light above the abyss…: © kaishin chu 2009.

This sort of sums up how I feel for the last little while… that the upward climb is seemingly forever unreachable. In less than six weeks we will be moving yet again, this time to Makati, Philippines – for J’s work. I laughed at the news first when it came a couple of weeks ago, while en route on my way back from a terribly hard and emotional visit to Vancouver, to see my father. We still have boxes to unpack from the move to this current home of ours, which was only 6 weeks ago.  I feel a bit like I’m at the bottom of a dark abyss, mixed emotions from all the stress of the last few months, unresolved feelings regarding my father’s situation, unresolved relationship matters, sad to be leaving a place I have yet to fully discover, finding it hard not having a life of my own to claim, then leaving behind a couple of great friends we made here in the last 3.5 months since we’ve been in Singapore.  J’s been working extra long hours and hard hours they are. I’ve been in limbo without a job, looking with no luck yet. I badly want to feel settled, but cannot. C’est la vie, n’est ce pas? I suppose it is. The Chinese saying, ‘mei ban fa’, always comes to mind, it means ‘nothing can be done’ as in ‘it’s not of our control’. I just hope that the light at the top gets closer in the coming new year.